When the Fire Comes, Ask Better Questions
This past week, I was misunderstood. A pattern I wrote about — one I’ve seen and experienced over time — was read as if it referenced a single post, a single person, a single moment.
I clarified.
I updated.
I took responsibility for what needed refinement.
And still, some people refused to engage with my corrections.
Not because the truth wasn’t available, but because the story they held was more convenient than the conversation that could have happened.
What I’ve learned is this: When the fire comes, most people don’t ask questions.
They react.
They assume.
They pile on.
But I didn’t just react. I reflected. And the first question I asked myself was:
“Can I see how someone might think this was plagiarism?”
That was my starting point — not because I agreed, but because I’m committed to real reflection, not just reputation.
What I realized is that most call-outs escalate because we don’t have a shared practice for holding discomfort without collapsing into ego — or control.
So here’s what I want to offer you: A framework of questions that can transform rupture into reflection — whether you’re the one being called in, or the one doing the calling.
If you’ve been called in or misunderstood, ask yourself:
Can I see how this landed for others, even if it wasn’t my intent?
Is my correction as visible as my original mistake?
Am I defending my image, or honoring my truth?
Am I reacting from pain, or responding from presence?
Am I being asked to take accountability—or to erase myself?
If you feel someone missed the mark, ask them:
What inspired this wording or message?
Did you see the post you're being connected to before writing your piece?
Are you open to hearing how this may have landed?
What have you reflected on since this was brought to your attention?
Would you be open to updating the language to create more clarity?
If you’re observing a conflict, ask yourself:
Am I listening to learn or choosing a side based on performance?
Am I avoiding the nuance because it’s uncomfortable?
Am I contributing to repair — or just reacting to the fire?
Can I hold space for discomfort without demanding submission?
Let me be clear: These questions aren’t just for the person being corrected.
They’re for everyone involved — including those doing the calling in, the calling out, and the silent observing.
Because justice work is relational. And if your demand for accountability only moves in one direction, then it’s not about liberation. It’s about control.
If you can't ask yourself:
“Did I pause to understand before I reacted?”
“Am I holding space for this person to evolve?”
“Am I seeking clarity, or just protecting my performance?”
Then you’re not practicing justice.
You’re performing supremacy — in a different outfit.
We say we want accountability.
But what most people really want is control dressed as correction.
True accountability isn’t about proving who’s right.
It’s about creating conditions for people to come back into right relationship — with themselves and with others.
So the next time the fire comes, don’t just react. Ask better questions.
That’s how we grow instead of punish.
That’s how we liberate instead of control.
That’s how we heal.
Ready to lead through fire — without collapsing into performance?
If When the Fire Comes resonated with you — if you’re craving a way to lead, communicate, and repair that feels rooted in soul, not shame — let’s take this deeper.
There are three pathways to work with me, all designed to elevate your communication, sharpen your relational leadership, and ground you in the clarity you were never taught to trust:
Start with one of my books — curated to guide you through the process of unlearning performance and remembering your power.
Book a 1:1 session + receive 30 days of follow-up support — for immediate breakthroughs and soul-rooted recalibration.
Work with me over time — for leaders ready to evolve, refine, and embody a deeper way of leading that honors truth, relationship, and regeneration.
Whether you’re navigating public fire or private friction, your voice doesn’t have to disappear in the name of justice.
Your leadership is sacred.
And it deserves a space to be witnessed, challenged, and expanded — without punishment.
What’s Next Call
Let’s begin where you are.
And grow from there — together.